Eye Eye!

I went back to the hospital today for my Follow Up check to the operation I had a few weeks ago. It went really well - Other than me getting lost in the maze of admin offices trying to find my way from one part of the hospital to the other as the usual route was blocked off.

So there I was.. joking with the nurses that the Eye Unit was becoming a home-from-home when I am told that I don't need to come back again for another 3 months as everything is healing (albeit slowly).

This is great news. It means that I can finally stop putting everything on hold just in case I have to have another op at short notice. I've hardly been at work since July and have been twiddling my thumbs most of the time while there (and also twiddling them when I've been signed-off and at home) as I couldn't commit to anything work based as I had no idea when the next op would be. My social life has also nose-dived as so much time has been spent recovering and I've missed a few nights out.

So.. I now have an appointment in December where we will discuss how things have been going and when the silicone oil can be removed. It also means that I will take my old glasses to the opticians and get the left lens replaced with plain glass - one of the effects of the oil is to cause long-sightedness to a factor of about +6... so take my -12 +6 gives me a current left eye of -6 and I can no longer see through my glasses, and without my glasses it's clear enough for me to be able to do without. So, since I have at least 3 months to wait until the oil is removed, and i go back to -12, i'm having my glasses changed.

I'm feeling a lot happier today than I have for a while.. I know that there is still a long way to go until my eye is better, but I get a 3 month respite from operations, checkups and uncertainty.

I'm also pleased I've had really good people looking after me, who are all Christians..

There has been Richard (Consultant) who did my first op and follow-up, then Steve (Registrar) who performed my 2nd Op and was there in the 3rd and did a lot of tests and check ups and finally Alison (Eye Nurse) who has emailed me LOADS to make sure I am doing ok and am taking my eye drops. I'm thankful that God has been looking after me through all this, and thankful for everyone who has been praying for me so far.

So.. not out of the Forest yet, but have avoided a few ponies and can see the Visitor's Centre and Ice Cream Van in the Distance.

Hopes and Dreams

I spent a fair chunk of my evening watching X Factor. It's the only reality show that I watch. I've tried watching most of the others at least once but never got into them.

What strikes about the X Factor - and probably the main reason I watch - is that all of the contestants are so passionate about their singing, even those who come on and can't hold a tune.
They will talk about winning the X Factor as being everything to them, how they want to make it big etc. a lot of the older contestants talk about it being their 'last chance' before they give up hope.

They all have this big dream, and for some of the people at least, this dream will come true.

I think we all have hopes and dreams, things that we would love to do given the chance. Maybe things that could be quite possible if we put our minds to it. Maybe it's as simple as a job or career that we would like but are currently doing something different, maybe it's learning to play an instrument, or winning the lottery - it could be anything.

I think when we are little we all have these hopes and dreams of what we want to be when we grow up or what we want to achieve in our lifetimes. I wanted to be a deep sea diver, or an astronaut (I obviously had a thing about not wanting to work on land) but have ended up as an IT Manager.

But, as we get older I think we become a bit more sensible about what we can achieve, and once we start working for a living, the world looks a little less like our oyster.

I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday with a couple of old friends from university and we were discussing how it was 11 years since we started uni, maybe 7 or 8 since we finished, yet here we were, still all doing the same as we did when we left. We realised that our twenties had flown by with not a lot to show for it.. even thinking about other friends.. no one had gone on to do anything 'Big' or 'Exciting' None of us had managed to change the world!

I think about what I would really like to be doing.. and it most certainly doesn't involve being an IT Manager for a large corporation!

Maybe more of us should follow the advice from 'Dead Poets Society'

"Carpe diem! Seize the day, boys! Make your lives extraordinary!"

and follow our dreams...

To Blog, or Not to Blog....

It's funny. Earlier today I thought of at least three things I wanted to blog about, but now can not for the life of me think what they are.. Which in turn got me thinking about why we blog in the first place.

I suppose some people write blogs to keep friends and family updated on their life if they live a long long away. Others might blog to try and get their opinions heard, to get a message across or to entertain, or to rant, or maybe they just want somewhere to get their thoughts down.

For me, It's a bit of a mixture. My driver for resuming blogging (I'd actually forget I had started one until Duncan pointed out it was out of date) was that I wanted to to have somewhere to write down my current thoughts about my faith - which has been on my mind a lot recently. I don't actually write this with the intention of it being read by anybody in particular - I only know of one person that has read any of this. I guess i'm mainly writing for myself, but any friends that read this or any passers by that might randomly pop along and take an interest is a bonus.

I guess over time the dynamic of my ramblings will change to whatever is on my mind. At the moment my thoughts are mainly God-centric (with the odd random observation in there) but we shall see where it goes eventually.

I've also spent a fair bit of time recently randomly looking at other peoples blogs by finding people with similar interests. What I have come across has been amazing. In the space of an hour I have found blogs that have made me cry with laughter and cry with sadness. I've also found blogs from people wise beyond their years and also people who are old enough to know better! You can get yourself lost for days in people's writings. This really is a fantastic place to learn about the human condition.

Forget your Facebook or MySpace.. This is the best place to spend your free time on the internet.

Back to Work

Been back at work now for 2 days since my eye op recovery period ended. It's odd.. not been a huge amount for me to do. It has meant thought that i've been able to configure my new Work Laptop with Ubuntu. I abandoned Windows at home ages ago.. i'm blogging this from a fedora 9 box, and have now got the IBM Ubuntu client. So far it's running ok. Managed to get iTunes running under wine earlier which is a great relief as i can't do without music!

I also note that in the light of this 'short selling' debacle that the C of E are looking to review their investments to ensure that they don't have money with any bank who follow that practice.. So where will they put their money? Tenners stuffed under a mattress? Or cookie Jar on a shelf?

Banking Crisis and the C of E

Have just read this great article about the Archbishop of York voicing his opinion on the current banking crisis. I think he has a point here as he comments on the US treasury plan to bail the banks out to the tune of $700bn: -

"One of the ironies about this financial crisis is that it makes action on poverty look utterly achievable. It would cost $5bn to save six million children's lives. World leaders could find 140 times that amount for the banking system in a week. How can they tell us that action for the poorest is too expensive?"

Priorities anyone?

Edit: Duncan has a much more detailed look at this here.

Also, take note in the picture that he is still without a dog collar. He cut it up in December last year in protest at the situation in Zimbabwe, saying he won't put it back on until the crisis is resolved.

Good on you, Sir!

Bestest in the Barn...

When I was little, My favourite TV show was Postman Pat. It's gentle stories, slow ambling pace and usually a tractor or two stuck in the mud made for great viewing when you were 3 years old.

It seems though, that it's now getting a makeover to bring it up-to-date and into the 21st Century.

According to the article,

'There is a lot more action; children are used to seeing a lot of fast-paced programmes now.

Yes they are, but only because production companies insist this is what Children want.

But do Children want this? I point you in the direction of Charlie and Lola. If you have never heard of it, this fantastic cartoon is about a young boy called Charlie and his mischievous younger sister Lola and it's told from the kids point of view. It's not fast paced and full of action, it just has wonderful simple stories. It originated as a series of books but now is a cartoon series with multiple seasons and has spawned a huge amount of merchandise.

As an example of how good it is, go to youtube, type 'bestest in the barn' and I defy you to not have this tune in your head for days.

Who says kids shows have to be fast paced?

They Came a Knocking...

I've just had a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door. One was a middle aged lady and the other an elderly one. Usually I will just say no thank you and leave it at that but today we had a chat for a few minutes.

They started with the usual patter.. So I told them that I already know Jesus. The elderly lady was quite surprised and then smiled and asked what I believe. I told her that I believe that Jesus died so that I don't have to. She then started to show me her little book about being a JW. I said that I didn't need to read her book as the only book I needed was the bible. She made a comment about 'At least we have the Bible in common' - Wasn't sure quite how to take that one but no matter.

I think she realised now that I wasn't going to take the bait so we then spoke in more general terms about Jesus. What was interesting was her take on how this country is becoming less Godly. That in schools these days Christianity isn't taught as much and it seems that other religions are given more emphasis as they are seen as 'minority' and secularism seems to be the norm even though the UK is seen as a 'Christian' country. Up to this point I was in agreement with her, but she then inferred that Christianity should be the only religion taught. Here is where I disagree.

This does not mean that I am against Faith Schools. In fact, I'm all for them. I think the whole idea of being able to grow spiritually while at school is a great one, but I do think that attendance at a faith school should be a choice made by the parents and children. I'm talking here about the Religious Education in standard state schools.

The whole point of Religious Education in (non faith based) schools is just that - EDUCATION. RE isn't there to promote one religion over another, it's there to educate the young people of today about how various religious systems and beliefs work in order for understanding and tolerance. Islam, Sikhism, Buddhism, Agnosticism etc have just as much of a right to be taught as Christianity in schools. where I think the problem can occour is when the teaching of each religion is not given an equal weight as that could lead to the illusion of promotion of one religion over another, which I disagree with.

So, we concluded our chat and they wandered off. I think might be back though, and if so, i'll invite them in for a cuppa.

Worship

I had some friends come to visit me yesterday evening. They bought dinner for the three of us (Thank you guys, was great!) and we had a good catch up. Was lovely to see them again as it had been too long. We had a good chat about lots of stuff and one of the topics briefly touched on was that of sung worship. We didn't dwell on the subject, but it has been on my mind since last night.

Now, we are called to worship in everything we do and thus worship takes on many forms but the form of worship i'm referring to is that of collective singing of songs led by the Worship Leader.
All too often we will equate 'Worship' to the just practice of singing, How many people go to a Church that has 'a period of worship' where everyone sings, followed by some teaching?

A few years ago I was a member of a Church that turned this on it's head. The Pastor decided (amongst other things) that we were getting too much into the music side - There were two main worship leaders and a very good (select) band who played. The Pastor got rid of this format and started introduced other forms of collective worship, there was a LOT less emphasis on music (you'd have some weeks without a song being sung) and got all of the housegroups involved in turn in organising the collective worship. This was too much of a change for me, I enjoyed the music and the singing. I drifted away and ended up at another Church where the attitude to music was more to my liking. We would have the usual band on a Sunday, have separate musicians meetings periodically and I got quite involved playing music at Sunday meetings and really enjoyed it.

I'm sure i'm not the only person who has felt this way about Christian Music. But by being this way was I breaking the Second Commandment? The second commandment states

'You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.'

Now, was I actually worshipping this music rather than Jesus? I fear the answer was probably yes.

I'm also a fan of CCM, liking bands such as Casting Crowns, Third Day, Delirious? etc.. I especially like Casting Crowns as I think that their songs each give out a message that we can learn from. They make you think and challenge your walk with Jesus.

But I know I must be careful. Careful not to start worshiping the music again rather than the message.

New Casting Crowns Album

Casting Crowns have a new album out soon! Called Peace On Earth, it a selection of songs themed around Christmas.

I'm quite excited as it contains a rework of one of my favourite songs of theirs, While You Were Sleeping. This song was originally written a Christmas song, but was rewritten for the Lifesong Album with less festive lyrics.

The thing that struck me with While You Were Sleeping was the sheer simplicity of the message, but the huge implication of it.

For example, look at the lyric

'Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man And stepped into your world today, Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King'

While people slept, Jesus was born. Jesus was born in a manger, there was no room for him anywhere else. People went to bed the night before, and woke up the morning after and had no idea of the birth.

I think that we can learn from this. We DO know of this birth. Are we going to sleep on through while Jesus can save us? Are we going to say that there is no room for him with us? Or do we let him in?

Nocturnal

As mentioned in my last post, I've been recovering from an eye operation. this has meant lots of time off work. This has resulted in my body reverting to it's 'natural' cycle of sleep / awake. By 'natural', I mean the sleep / awake cycle that I would choose were there no external factors (ie getting to the office for 9ish)

So, it's now 3.10ish in the morning here in the UK and I expect i'll retire about 5am, and sleep until about noon. Last 'night' was from 7am until 1pm.

I go back to work on Wednesday so that leaves me with 4 days to get back to my usual 12am - 7am sleeping pattern. Not looking forward to it. Maybe I should find a job that is always on a night shift....

First for a long time

Ok, First post in a couple of years so the question is what do I write about. I doubt that my blog will be read by anyone, but no matter.

I want to talk about God. Now, before anyone who might be reading this starts to think 'oh no not another nutty Christian!' then don't worry because I have not always been one.

That was the problem.

Now, let me qualify that statement. I first came to know Jesus 8 years ago. It was not a sudden thing. It was a gradual process that took years. I thought that once I started to know Jesus things would get easier. In fact.. things got harder. It was like having the blinkers taken off. Beforehand I lived this nice little secular life with 'me' at the centre, and I could follow this nice straight line that was my life. Jesus ripped those blinkers away and I suddenly became aware of so much more. I could see people walking the same path as me and my actions could affect them too.

This was no longer just my path, it became a team effort to walk with Jesus.

Now, anyone who knows me will know that i'm not one for battling on when things get tough. I tend to be the one who wants to pack up and go home when things get tricky. My walk with God has been no different. I've had some brilliant times on my journey so far and i've also had some bad ones. These bad times have made me just want to walk away and give up and a few years ago, for a period, i did.

I just couldn't see how God was in my life at this time. Thankfully though, God hadn't given up on me. He showed himself to me again quite quickly. I do believe that once you have accepted Jesus into your life, you can never truly let him go.

So there was me, faith restored and feeling good again, and pretty much things have stayed the same ever since. I have a faith, a strong belief that Jesus died so that I don't have to. But, is this enough for me to really call myself a Christian? For a long time i thought so, but recent events in my life have made me completely rethink my attitude in this respect. I've always had this little thought in my mind since 2000 that there was something missing from my walk with God, but I wasn't sure what until recently.

So what happened in the past few months that has made me change the way I think? Well.. back in May I suffered eye trouble and had to have surgery. there were further issues and since then I've had two more operations. Each one has resulted in me having to spend a lot of time lying down on my side to keep my eye still, doing nothing. Well, I say doing nothing but I spent a lot of time talking to God, trying to understand what is going on.

What happened is this. God had put the brakes on so that I would have time to think and pray. We all get so caught up in our lives that I think sometimes we just don't take the time to actually stop, listen to God, talk to him and respond. this was God's way of making me take stock. Thing is, I've not been too happy with the way things have been going for a while.. struggling to enjoy my job, letting things get in the way of my relationship with Jesus etc...

So, here I was, a captive audiemce, recovering from Surgery and not able to do anything. But, this time has been brilliant for my relationship with God. I know now what has been missing. the bit that was missing was that leap of faith to just hand it all to God. Over the years whenever I have prayed, or read the Bible, i would always get this image in my head of a door closing. This door was that little thought in my mind. I was shutting the barriers down, not wanting to make that last little leap and submitting fully to God. Sure, my faith was there, I believed in Jesus, but just couldn't see him helping ME. Like I said earlier on.. when things are tough my nature is to back away.. and this door closing was me backing away from things that aren't easy.

It's not easy being a Christian in a mostly secular world. Most of my life is secular.. my work, a lot of my friends. It's all too easy to compartmentalise the secular and Christian parts of you life, but you shouldn't. They shouldn't be mutually exclusive and I think I'm only just brave enough now to let both parts mix. When i'm with Christians, it's easy to be a Christian. Every year i help lead kidswork on a Christian Family houseparty. For me, this is the highlight of my year. I spend a week being the Rob that I know I should be all year around. The Rob that is brave enough to live this Christian life fully. The Rob who is relaxed and happy and content. The REAL Rob. A lot of the time (especially at work) I am the Rob who everyone else expects me to be. See the thing that makes it easy on the Houseparty is that it's a week away from the rest of the world and I am surrounded by Christian friends. When I am there I have never had trouble keeping that door in my mind open.

What I have learnt now is that no matter what. I need to keep going with my walk, pressing onwards and never let that door shut again, no matter how easy it might be to let it. This whole experience has made me look at my life and made me see that things aren't easy, but I have to do my best to make these changes in my life i've been too scared to do for the past few years. And, when the going gets tough. Pray like mad!